so...tired...

I'm just so sad here. I feel so damn alone even when I know that the people around me went through and are going through the same stuff as me. I know I have friends here, but I just feel so detached from everyone. It feels like being alone with a bunch of strangers, and there's nowhere to go and no one to talk to when I feel unsteady. I have friends I can talk to through the internet, and of course Fischer, but it's just not the same. And the more I think of Derek, the more unstable I get, and I can't wait to see him in November, but at the same time I hope I never have to. I don't know what to do. I don't know how long taking 2-hour walks outside at night when its 40 degrees out and wearing nothing but jeans, tshirt, converses, and a light jacket that isn't even mine is going to work...

damn i feel so run down its ridiculous. its like being beaten into the dirt and then you get up so you can have some more. i need sleep and i can't seem to sleep at night... but whatever, it builds character. all you gotta do is keep a strong face and play their games. keep it up and you'll come out on top... thats what i keep telling myself lol i havent determined if those are legitimate statements yet lol my lieutenant said a very sage thing the other day: if you want to be good, you're gonna have to be willing to suck first. well, i'm sucking pretty hardcore, so i guess that meant s i'm gonna be super amazing when i come out on the other side? haha i better be...

days need to be longer, and nights need to be twice as long as days... not. enough. time. and not physically possible lol

i like waffles. i had one for breakfast today. im really freakin hyper... sorry, all. im gonna apologize in advance, as i am anticipating my energy getting on alla yalls nerves...